Thoughts on The Crown

What? I haven't posted anything in nearly two years? I guess I've been busy. Very, very busy. The hours needed for my job have increased exponentially. In addition, Andrew is busier than ever, and I am his ride--at least for a few more months. Then he'll get his license and I will spend all of my time worrying. Valerie started driving a couple of years ago, at 18. I do worry about her, but I guess I'm used to it now. I'm not sure what to think about that.

So, The Crown. I finished watching it this morning and I have thoughts. 

My dear Grandma wore her hair much like Queen Elizabeth II in her later years, though my Grandma dyed hers blonde until she was in her late 90s. So, I was reminded of her quite often while watching. But it wasn't just the hairdo. My Grandma was just thirteen years older than the queen. She had a lovely home built in 1948 and most of it looked the same when she died in 2017. She loved antiques, often found at second-hand shops, and decorated her home with mostly old furniture. Watching The Crown, stepping back in time, was kind of like visiting my Grandma's house, stepping back in time.

What I'm thinking about today is how looking at the life of Queen Elizabeth is a lot like looking at the life of many matriarchs, like my Grandma. I think in the 21st century, women are just beginning to really be seen.

We are all The Queen, we just wear different crowns.

War and Peace

Today Putin invaded Ukraine. My heart is heavy. I finally finished reading War and Peace in January, so Tolstoy's writing is not far from my mind. 

Published in 1869, War and Peace is an historical fiction that takes place during the time of Napoleon's 1812 Invasion of Russia. It is also an exploration of the problems with writing history and a philosophy of why men go to war. 

And here we are today. I feel a sense of foreboding similar to my memories of the 1980s Cold War era, yet so grateful for my good fortune to see a peaceful view outside my window rather than destruction.

Almost Halfway

Just a quick update on War and Peace. Still reading it, but almost halfway through. I'm on page 586 of 1350. I very much want to watch the mini series with James Norton and Lily James, so trying to read a bit each day.

I did not have to wear reading glasses when I started this book, but now I do. I got these Lulu Guinness frames at the optometrist's the last time I was there in April of 2019. I didn't *really* need them at the time because my vision was still better than 20/20. But I was noticing something was up and my insurance covered it, so why not. In the image, the color looks pink, but it's really red.

So this quick update turned into a digression on reading glasses. I have an optometrist appointment coming up soon and it will be depressing, I'm sure, but also--new specs! I want retro and green or blue or tortoiseshell. Now that I wear them during my Zoom meetings for work, might as well have a little fun!

Another Circle

Yep, still reading War and Peace. Last summer I also read Beatriz Williams' Her Last Flight. And I currently have her latest, Our Woman in Moscow, still in it's mailer in the entryway (along with a lot of other stuff).

Ideally, I should finish W&P first, right? I am on page 403 of 1308. And I looooooooove it. 

But honestly, my heart has broken so many times this past year--for reasons political, social, and personal--it's just been hard to concentrate.

And Tolstoy isn't going anywhere. Isn't that wonderful?

Popcorn

The sugar plum tree in front of our house has popcorned. 

Many years, this happens in the week of warm weather we always get in January. But this year, I waited and waited. And that was just fine with me.

Something to keep looking forward to, that I knew was going to amaze me, because it always does. That's the kind of year it's been. Marking time with the small things, the cyclical changes of nature outside my window. 

A year ago, I was visiting my mom in the hospital after hip surgery, required to grab a mask from the box on the reception counter.  I only wore them in the halls. I threw them away once outside. Weeks later, masks were scarce so I was sewing them, sending a few to my parents and sister.

I listen to NPR. I knew COVID-19 was coming way back in February. I figured it was already here. On March 9th, I predicted they would close schools the next week. My kids' last day was March 12. I was off by a few days. They haven't gone back.

And that is just fine with me. 

Oh, I want them to be able to go back. Zoom school is exhausting for everyone, and my kids are teens! I'm not worried about the academics. My daughter and son have suffered emotionally--their worlds should be expanding right now. That's where the twinge in my gut comes from. 

Our middle and high schools will likely both be open within the month for modified attendance. But there have already been close calls with the small extracurricular cohorts they have been operating, so no thank you. 

The risk to them may be statistically small, but it's still too much. Valerie should be eligible for the vaccine in May. My fingers are crossed that Andrew can be vaccinated this summer after it is deemed safe for his age group.

I got my first shot last Monday due to my educator status. My husband got his last week, at a lucky fluke word of mouth pop up clinic. He has an underlying condition that puts him at higher risk. So, that's just fine with me.

My parents and sister are vaccinated. Hope is on the horizon. But, the horizon's far off yet.

Go ahead and get some pretty new masks for summer, because we should all be wearing them for a while longer as we round a corner in this pandemic. As we turn into spring of this next year.

The past year has shown me sadness and grief and ugliness, but also perseverance--and more time together with my kids. 

And popcorn. Early in the pandemic we started family movie night every Saturday with popcorn. And if we keep it up--that will be just fine with me.

Rest

This is the view from the swing in my front yard. 

I have spent a lot of time here in the past year. Not so much in the past few months, but now that the weather is warming a bit, I'm drawn to it again. I got the cushion and pillows out of the closet. They are upholstered in warm red/brown/yellow/orange hues with shells, hibiscus, and seahorses, however. A good excuse to order some fabric to recover them.

Countless times I have come out here with my book and not read a single page.

I'm weary. I'm exhausted. Constantly, foundationally overwhelmed. Background noise. Low level static. Ringing in the ears. Dull buzz.

I think we are all quite tired, collectively. Traumatized.

So, if I may suggest, just rest. Even when you have ten thousand things to do.

Rest.

Look up at the branches and see a heart.

Swing. Breathe.

Rest.♥

Fall Morning

This was the Maxfield Parrish view out my window a few mornings ago. To me, this is the most glorious time of year. Several times throughout each day I find my heart in my throat, joy swelling up from my core. Be safe, be well, be golden and glorious.