Our Last March in This House Comes to an End?

We are still waiting on our landlords' decision.

Our Last February in This House Comes to an End?

There is a chance we could buy the house from our landlords, but probably won't know for another month. Meanwhile, the days keeping passing.

Our Last January in This House Comes to an End

 The holidays have passed, Andrew's college applications are submitted, and I feel like I'm entering an era of letting go (however reluctantly).

Our Last December in This House Comes to an End

Our Last November in This House Comes to an End

Val is home from college for one more day for the Thanksgiving break, so we are all here together. She will be back in less than two weeks, after finals. 

Andrew is working on college applications, which are due TOMORROW. He is applying for a performing arts major, which requires so many supplemental pieces. There are many due dates, then auditions in early winter. 

I feel...as I have often felt...like being in water, pushed and pulled this way and that. 

I am a little less sad, at the moment, about the impending move. It's going to be a ton of work, but after, it will be somewhat of a fresh start, in terms of organizing a house. I think, I hope.

November. It was really nice. We got a bunch of rain. I've been going to yoga again after 20+ years. My body is stiff and everything hurts. But I lost five pounds by taking better care of myself, so that's something. I survived cooking the Thanksgiving meal. 

I don't know how to not be sad about Thanksgiving. It has never been the same for me since my maternal grandfather died in 1992 and we stopped celebrating the holiday at his and my grandmother's home. It's just a place I can never return to. 

That's such the theme with me lately. I feel like the next big thing I need to figure out is how to live with all the different kinds of grief I'm experiencing and to also be content. I'm so busy and stressed right now, that it is just something I am aware of. 

I know I will have to return to creating art. I saw an artist speak years and years ago and she told us something like, "You've always known what you want to paint." It stuck with me, so I think it must be true.

Well, then. Goodbye, November. You were lovely. 

Photos

1. The river with seasonal footbridge

2. The river without seasonal footbridge

3. Our kitty in the window

3. The moon yesterday afternoon

Our Last October in This House Comes to an End

 

I love this time of year and I have been soaking it up. The golden light and the scent of the damp and leaves and woodsmoke outside is bliss. The acorns have been falling on the roof for the past week, plunk, plonk, tink!

I have lots of thoughts and I find myself vacillating between utter despair and optimistic hope about our move in eight months. In the bell curve of that spectrum is all my usual mid-life stuff, the day-to-day worries, memories, ruminations, epiphanies.

Anyway. I haven't handed out candy at Halloween in quite a while, and I thought it might be nice to tonight since we may not live in a place with trick-or-treaters next year. I love to see all the darling kiddos and wave to their parents--I remember. 

Happy and Safe Halloween to you, and peaceful Día de los Muertos tomorrow.