Our Last August in this House Comes to an End

August flew by, which isn't surprising because I went back to work on the 4th. Andrew started school on the 7th, and Val come home from her (incredible) summer internship on the 9th. 

It is not lost on me that this is, likely, the longest stretch of time we will all be together in this house again. If I weren't so busy, I'd be even more sad. Work has a way of occupying your time, and your mind. 

I didn't have a job when we moved here, besides caring for a two-year-old twenty-four, seven. I was so excited to be leaving the sprawl of unincorported San Diego for the quieter and cooler Central Coast. Hubby was going to be getting a nice paycheck, and I figured we'd buy a house within a few years. But that's hard to do when you don't have a down payment and prices keep going up.

So we stayed in our rental and celebrated holidays and milestones, taught the kids to ride bikes on our little street, sent them to elementary school up the hill, then six miles to middle school, twelve miles to high school. Val went to community college (seventeen miles)  and last year moved away to university (one hundred seventy-eight miles).

Now that it's Andrew's senior year, I have to pay extra attention to the school bulletin, and start attending PTO meetings again. There's a lot going on.

And the light is changing in our little neighborhood. The sun sets further west over the mountains, and a bit earlier. These seasonal changes always take me back to our first few years here, when everything still felt new. 

In another ten months, I'll be learning how to take these memories with me. I can't really imagine how that's going to be. To keep the panicky feelings at bay, I make sure to be present when the realization comes over me. 

That's exactly what prompted me to take the photo of our kitty looking out the window. It's my same view each morning while drinking my coffee and having some quiet time to myself before opening my laptop for work. I don't know what my window view will be in a year from now. I really like this one, and I think I'll miss it.

Our Last July in this House Comes to an End

We got a scare at the end of May. Nothing devastating, but huge in our lives, nonetheless. 

Andrew will be a senior in high school this year, so on May 28th, when our landlords told us we would need to move out soon, I cried. I had been dreading this possibility since the kids started school. It is notoriously difficult to find "affordable" housing where we live, and within our school district's boundaries. 

We have been renting our house for 19 years, which is a whole other post, but here we are, and not where I ever thought we'd be--Gen Xers who have never owned a home.

On July 2nd, our landlords agreed to our request to stay, with accommodations, and that we could live here for another year. I had been holding my breath all of June. I am grateful and relieved. And here we are.

I've been doing a bit of decluttering nearly each day of my summer break from my teaching job. The dates on papers at the bottom of piles are from 2018, the year I went back to work. Makes sense. In all honesty, I haven't filed anything since we moved here. Hubby did some filing about...15 years ago or so. I have boxes in various places throughout the house where I would typically put all the mail and documents I needed to save right before company came for Christmas each year, 2006-2017!

I have given myself such a hard time over the years for not being more organized. In fact, that was pretty much the theme of my first year or more of blogging. I am actually a very organized person, when I have the time and energy. I always tell my kids that they will be amazed at how nice and neat our house is someday. And we now have a timeline to that day because there is nothing like moving to force you to purge stuff and get organized (we moved several times before living in this house).

I hope hope hope our next move is into our own home. After the first of the year, we will start looking in earnest. 

~*~*~

So, that is the backstory to why I am writing a blog post after nearly 1.5 years. Each day since July 2nd, I have looked around and remarked that this is the last July we will be in this house. On my neighborhood walks, I have tried to memorize the morning mist on the hills, the early evening light through the trees, the smell of bay laurel, the trickle of the river.

I told a friend the other day that the past 21+ years since Valerie was born feel like an out-of-body experience. And 19 of them have been here. So much has happened! And so fast! I can't really wrap my head around it. I mean, part of these feelings are mid-life and menopause, but my brain also goes to other places: my Grandma in her 100s, Carl Sagan quotes, the "big questions" that Andrew and I used to discuss at bedtime when he was little--but not for too long because they were kind of scary. Indeed.

I thought I might like to chronicle this last year here. Maybe add a testament to the collective of my own experience with the transition from parenting teens to young adults. My own transition to...well, we'll see, won't we.

Another Circle

Yep, still reading War and Peace. Last summer I also read Beatriz Williams' Her Last Flight. And I currently have her latest, Our Woman in Moscow, still in it's mailer in the entryway (along with a lot of other stuff).

Ideally, I should finish W&P first, right? I am on page 403 of 1308. And I looooooooove it. 

But honestly, my heart has broken so many times this past year--for reasons political, social, and personal--it's just been hard to concentrate.

And Tolstoy isn't going anywhere. Isn't that wonderful?

Popcorn

The sugar plum tree in front of our house has popcorned. 

Many years, this happens in the week of warm weather we always get in January. But this year, I waited and waited. And that was just fine with me.

Something to keep looking forward to, that I knew was going to amaze me, because it always does. That's the kind of year it's been. Marking time with the small things, the cyclical changes of nature outside my window. 

A year ago, I was visiting my mom in the hospital after hip surgery, required to grab a mask from the box on the reception counter.  I only wore them in the halls. I threw them away once outside. Weeks later, masks were scarce so I was sewing them, sending a few to my parents and sister.

I listen to NPR. I knew COVID-19 was coming way back in February. I figured it was already here. On March 9th, I predicted they would close schools the next week. My kids' last day was March 12. I was off by a few days. They haven't gone back.

And that is just fine with me. 

Oh, I want them to be able to go back. Zoom school is exhausting for everyone, and my kids are teens! I'm not worried about the academics. My daughter and son have suffered emotionally--their worlds should be expanding right now. That's where the twinge in my gut comes from. 

Our middle and high schools will likely both be open within the month for modified attendance. But there have already been close calls with the small extracurricular cohorts they have been operating, so no thank you. 

The risk to them may be statistically small, but it's still too much. Valerie should be eligible for the vaccine in May. My fingers are crossed that Andrew can be vaccinated this summer after it is deemed safe for his age group.

I got my first shot last Monday due to my educator status. My husband got his last week, at a lucky fluke word of mouth pop up clinic. He has an underlying condition that puts him at higher risk. So, that's just fine with me.

My parents and sister are vaccinated. Hope is on the horizon. But, the horizon's far off yet.

Go ahead and get some pretty new masks for summer, because we should all be wearing them for a while longer as we round a corner in this pandemic. As we turn into spring of this next year.

The past year has shown me sadness and grief and ugliness, but also perseverance--and more time together with my kids. 

And popcorn. Early in the pandemic we started family movie night every Saturday with popcorn. And if we keep it up--that will be just fine with me.

Rest

This is the view from the swing in my front yard. 

I have spent a lot of time here in the past year. Not so much in the past few months, but now that the weather is warming a bit, I'm drawn to it again. I got the cushion and pillows out of the closet. They are upholstered in warm red/brown/yellow/orange hues with shells, hibiscus, and seahorses, however. A good excuse to order some fabric to recover them.

Countless times I have come out here with my book and not read a single page.

I'm weary. I'm exhausted. Constantly, foundationally overwhelmed. Background noise. Low level static. Ringing in the ears. Dull buzz.

I think we are all quite tired, collectively. Traumatized.

So, if I may suggest, just rest. Even when you have ten thousand things to do.

Rest.

Look up at the branches and see a heart.

Swing. Breathe.

Rest.♥

Work Gets in the Way

I bought a hydrangea about a month ago.  Or maybe end of May?  Then we had a heat wave the next week and I came home to find it completely wilted (even though I had watered it two days before).  I knew we live in an iffy area for hydrangeas and I thought I had killed it.  It made me want to cry.  So, I poured a gallon of water into it and the next morning it looked like this again.  There's got to be some sort of significant metaphor here.

So it's July.  I haven't posted since December.  I don't know how that happened.  Wait.  Yes I do.  I got a new job as a homeschool teacher for a public charter school.  I like it a lot, but this first year was a HUGE learning curve.  Not only work stuff, but figuring out how to be a regular working mom stuff and all the stuff that goes along with that.  Stuff.

I also drive my kids--one or both--to swim practice every day.  Twice a day four times a week for my daughter.  I love that they like it so much but, wow, I never ever thought this is what we would be doing.

So.  I bought a hydrangea.  I put it in the back against the fence across the yard from the kitchen window over the sink.  I look out there often and it is a thing of beauty.  I love the way the colors of the flowers change.  It reminds me of my Grandma, though I don't remember her ever having a hydrangea or even if she liked them.  (And that makes me sad, because I feel like I should know this and now I can't ask her.)

I read one book in the last six months and I'll post about it in a few days.  Probably.  And now I am starting War and Peace which the librarian told me her son told her is just one big long cocktail party.  So, I'm thinking--beach read!

Happy summer.

Book o' the Month: The Old Magic of Christmas

The Old Magic of Christmas, by Linda Raedisch, is quite the eye-opener.  It turns out, the days between mid-October and February 2nd are chock-full of nasty characters, spirits, monsters, etc.  You have likely heard of the Krampus, but he is just one of many menacing entities you have to watch out for during this season.  However, there are also several actions you might take to help keep the baddies at bay and usher in some good luck (and presents)!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book.  It explores the folklore and traditions of Europe and beyond.  And in case you were wondering what you need to beware of on this New Year's Eve...it is moving night for Icelandic elves and if you are in Iceland, you might notice magical white frost "pantry drift" in your pantry.  Also, it is the night Finnish maidens might see the image of their future husbands reflected in a mirror. 

And, if you can swing it and you stroke a piglet this evening, you may have good luck all next year.  So with that I wish you--

(image found here)

Summer Plans

What are my summer plans? I get asked this question everytime I bump into a friend or acquaintance. 

Besides a four day trip to see family later this month, we've got nothing going on. And by nothing, I mean spendng 1-3 hours a day driving kids to activities. And by activities, I mean mostly Valerie's swim practice. (Swim team has been awesome for her, don't get me wrong, but still. A lot of driving for me.)

Yesterday I see that dooce.com is back in Paris this summer and I start thinking about the four weeks I spent in Spain back in the summer of 2002. I was there for a professional development class for teaching, but that was just an excuse, si?

So...here are my new summer plans:

No, I'm not going to Spain. Just looking up flights. And browsing accommodations. A mama can dream!

Book o' Last Month: The Seven Sisters

Margaret Drabble's The Seven Sisters did not disappoint. I first read her novel The Waterfall for a class in college. She has a very accessible style and intriguing themes.

Now that summer vacation is here, I'm hoping to do more reading, but all I seem to be doing is driving my kids around to their activities. Oh well. Seems summer is for kids, just like Friday nights, weekends, holidays, and vacations.

Books are my escape. After reading just a couple of pages, I am in another city, another country, another time, another life. Where are books taking you this summer?

Book o' the Month: The Long Winter

Andrew and I got through The Long Winter and I really think it took us all winter to do so!  This book is quite the document of the winter of 1880-1.  Wow!  Now on to the next Laura Ingalls Wilder book. 

Books o' the Month: A Gentleman in Moscow, Overseas

My reading-like-crazy streak has not stopped!  (And the house isn't getting any cleaner or less cluttered.)  A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles?  Believe the hype.  This is a wonderful book.  Wonderful!

I am cruising through all of Beatriz Williams' books, including Overseas.  Time travel with a twist.  Her books are fun to read, hard to put down.

Need a good rec for October?  A brooding classic with darkness and danger?  Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte.  One of my all-time favorite novels, perfect for the spooky season.

Book o' the Month: The Snow Queen

While reading another book (which I will get to later after I finish it, ahem), I came across a number of references to Hans Christian Anderson's fairy tale, The Snow Queen.  I requested it from my library--they have the Mary Engelbriet illustrated version, which is darling.

Now I want to find a translation of the original of this interesting story of kindness overcoming cruelty.  What I love about classics from myth to drama to fairy tale and on and on are the enduring themes we humans have been grappling with since our earliest history.

And how we consistently celebrate good championing over evil.

Week After Winter Solstice

Winter solstice did not go as planned--as expected.

I went grocery shopping (one of my least favorite occupations) instead of running at sunset.

However, exactly one week later, I found myself on the coastal trail.  Sometimes, things just work out that way.

Sometimes, things just work out.

Winter Solstice 2016

Winter solstice is here, my favorite day of the year. I opted for a nice cup of Mighty Leaf Earl Grey using my new tea kettle.  I didn't realize that I had been saving it for today, but sometimes things just work out like that. 

I have come to expect nothing less of this quietly magical day.

I have some "plans" for later, but I doubt they will work out quite like I have in mind.  And that's OK.  For me, winter solstice is a day for both reflecting and just being. 

Someday, I'd like to go to Stonehenge or Chitzen Itza or Chaco Canyon or another prehistoric site where the ancients built special places of observation of the scientifically mystical movement of celestial bodies. 

This evening, I hope to be running on the coastal trail when the sun sets (at 4:56) on this shortest day of the year.

Books o' the Month: Anna Karenina and Go to Sleep, Groundhog!

Did you watch coverage of Punxsutawney Phil on February 2nd, Groundhog Day?  He did not see his shadow, so that means we are in for an early spring...right?  Riiiiiiiight.  Go to Sleep, Groundhog! is a sweet book about Groundhog Day, if you happen to be looking for one for grades Pre-K through 2.  How do I know this?  Because I am back in the classroom...for an average of two days per week.  I began substitute teaching at my son's school in September.  It has been a lot more fun than I thought it would be, which is a relief!  But...more on that subject at a new blog I just got the crazy notion to start up today.  Because I need more work to do.  That, and also, I realized after four months of substitute teaching that reflection is an important part of the job, just like with full-time teaching.  So, I'm going to be doing just that on a separate blog called Substitute Teaching Sundries.

If you are a student in the fifth grade class I subbed in this past January, you might remember to ask me which page I am on in Anna Karenina.  My answer would be an embarrassed "72," the same page I got to during silent reading in class that day.  I haven't even met Miss Karenina yet, for goodness' sake!  But, I will keep at it.  At least I own this copy, so will not have to return it to the library.  Have you read it?  Thoughts?

OK!  Now, please go visit Adrienne, because she always has interesting books to add to  your reading list!

The Best Day of the Year

Isn't the day after Christmas one of the best days of the year?

If you are like me (lucky you), you spend the bulk of Christmas day in the kitchen.  After having spent several days before Christmas preparing for the show.  It is a show, right?  And moms--mostly--put it on.  We decorate, we shop, we put on classroom parties, we shop, we clean, we shop, we work, we shop, we wrap, we run to the store for one last little thing and return home having forgotten toilet paper.  And during all this we keep on doing all the regular things that take up nearly all our waking hours already.  Yes, I'm complaining a little again.  Or, as a dear, understanding friend told me,"being real."  The same friend who offered me a bottle of homemade Irish cream.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.

But, back to the post at hand.

Today is the day after Christmas (which went quite nicely, after all).  The house is pretty clean (since I did the dishes last night--I mean, why leave the kitchen?), the relatives have gone, the kids are occupied.  Can we all just breathe a collective sigh of relief?

With me, now:  inhale, one, two, three, four, exhale.

Hubby and I even got the kids out for a nice little walk.  I don't think I had been outside in two days.  It felt great.

This morning I was thinking, again, that Christmas is for children.  The show is for the children.  As a mom, Christmas is all about giving.  If I think about it that way (and have a glass of wine) I can get through it.  Time spent with Hubby preparing the feast he wants to eat, cooking for my kids and relatives.  Energy spent getting the things in place that need to be there for the show.  Giving (that's what the namesake of Christ-mas was all about, after all).  It's not about me.

But today?  I got a little something.  I watched Holiday Inn--in the living room with the rest of the family!  They even watched it a little, too.  I may make fans of them, yet.

Each year, I focus a little more on Winter Solstice as my own quiet celebration of the season.  It makes sense to me and brings me comfort.  This year I was able to observe and reflect and I spent some time writing down some thoughts and ideas for next year.  It is evolving for me, and that feels nice.  I'll leave you with a photo taken on that day, another one of the best days of the year.

How Many Days 'Til Christmas?

I saw the image above on Pinterest just now and was inspired to write a blog post.  So, I Googled "days until Christmas" and got this: http://www.xmasclock.com/.  There are thirty-seven.  

(I also found this, which seems way more exciting to me:  http://www.howmanydaysuntilstarwars.com/.)  

But back to the topic at hand.  

I am kinda sorta getting in the mood this year.  Fall hit about two weeks ago and it has been COLD (which, where I live, means days in the mid-50s to 60s and nights near freezing).  I actually walked into REI and bought myself a down parka right off the rack (I got the Urban Navy Blue and I like it just fine--four stars!).  I still feel guilty that it wasn't on sale.  And I told Hubby he doesn't have to get me a Christmas present because of it (he still will).  But now I am warm at Valerie's swim practice.  From 6-7pm.  In the dark.  Four nights a week.

Yeah, so it's been cold.  And we've had rain, which seems like a good thing, but:  http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2015/11/16/1450700/-El-Ni-o-Does-Something-It-s-Never-Done-Before-Watch-Out-California?

I'm kinda sorta getting scared and am always checking how many gallon bottles of water we have on hand, and thinking about flashlights and batteries and non-perishable food.  And wishing that we could use the fireplace without it just filling the house with smoke. 

So, I like that Target didn't put up the Christmas decorations the day after Halloween this year.  I have heard that Nordstrom is doing the same thing.  Also, REI is closing on Black Friday.  I like this let's not diss Turkey Day attitude.

Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday before my grandfather became ill with colon cancer and we stopped having it at his house.  I was twenty when he died, and the holiday has never been the same since.  It became a foster holiday shuttled around to various locations.  Poor Thanksgiving. 

But, Christmas.  What I have liked most about it in the past is giving handmade gifts.  But, I just don't have the time like I used to.  I also like the table linens.  And after, I like finding decorations on sale.  But Christmas morning present opening and disappointment and complaints and ungratefulness?  That just makes me want to stick my head in the oven with the prime rib.  

Except, I'd rather not go into the kitchen at all.  I'm all for going out to eat.  Or...a friend of mine said Whole Foods does a good meal:  https://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/shop/MRY/2721.  Looks good to me!!  Maybe Hubby will go for it this year.  I can hope.  

Whatever happens, I will likely have my first glass of wine at about 12:30p.m.  Thus, the image above.  And, if I can find it, I will totally rock that wig/hairdo.

My Christmas, this year, will come on the day Hubby, the kids, and I go to see...http://www.starwars.com/the-force-awakens/.

(Disclaimer:  I am in kind of a mood today.  Yesterday I spent seven hours waiting around for Jury Duty.  Luckily, when I finally got called, the judge kept our group for a total of ten minutes before excusing all of us.  And today...I had to skip my run because Andrew is home sick.  But, we are learning all about the solar system, so that is a pretty awesome way to spend the day.  So, closing on a happy note, here!)

(Above image is at http://www.retrochristmascardcompany.com/funny-christmas-party-invitations/)

Winter Solstice 2014

 

This coming Sunday, the 21st, is Winter Solstice in our hemisphere, which is my favorite December event.  Over the past few years, I have come to see it as my own private celebration.  It's not really, of course.  But I don't drag anyone else into it, besides trying to get my kids and hubby to maybe watch the sun go down on the shortest day of the year.

I do have my solstice fairy on our Christmas tree, and she does seem to be in a slightly different position every day.  But that's as metaphysical as I get about it.  Kind of.

This event appeals to me because it truly does mark a solar event, a continuation of the the on-going cycle of space and time and life.  This is something that feels good to me to remember in the days before the craziness that is our secular Christmas.  

Every year, I try to think of a tradition to tie to it.  I might be getting closer, but still I am just an observer.  And that seems like the most important task for such a day.

Happy peaceful kind loving giving nurturing reflecting restful solstice day to you, my friends!

(Image above was found online at several sites, so if it is copyrighted, my apologies--I will kindly remove it if need be.)

It Was a Dark and Stormy...

...cocktail.

When I was in Sevilla, Spain back in the summer of 2002, there was a "drink of the summer," which apparently, there is every year, along with a "dance of the summer," to go with a "song of the summer."  I don't fully remember the dance, and if I heard the song, I would know it (and probably remember more of the dance), but I do remember the drink.  Tinto de verano.  Red wine and Lemon Fanta over ice.  Delish!

This summer, hubby and I did not travel to Spain (alas), but we have been enjoying our own "drink of the summer."  The Dark and Stormy.  We first tried it during happy hour at the local tiki bar (a way cool place), and fell in love.

It is easy to make.  Just pour ginger brew (non-alcoholic) over ice, add a shot of dark rum and a wedge or two of lime, and there you go!  You can vary the amounts of the ingredients to your, ahem, taste, or follow a recipe (see note with link below).  Also, there are many kinds or ginger brew and rum to choose from.  We have tried various, and so far we prefer Reed's Extra Ginger Brew and Meyers's Original Dark Rum.  Plus organic limes.

Now, it's not like we are sitting out on the swing drinking these every evening as the mosquitoes appear, but we did do that once.  And yesterday, Andrew suggested we (as a family) go out and drink beer on the swing.  He meant "ginger beer."  Which is ginger brew, which is basically ginger ale. Just so you know.

That said, I have been keeping the ingredients on hand, and we have been partaking every other week, or so.

Do you have a "drink of the summer"?

(Note:  Image is from the recipe at this site.)

Watch This! : The Quiet Man

I watched this on DVD in March, in honor of St. Patrick's Day, but I am just getting to posting about it today.  The Quiet Man is a John Ford film from 1952 starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara.  I was interested in seeing a film with John Wayne which was not a western or a war movie.  Plus, this one was filmed in Ireland!  (Image above is from this site.)

Sometimes when watching classic films you have to step out of your own time, into the time the film was made.  The Quiet Man is one such film.  It is an interesting story, to be sure, but there is whole lot more to take in.  I took a film studies class at university and it completely changed the movie-watching experience for me.  I look at everything now--cinematography, lighting, framing, sound, etc.  I appreciate different aspects of a film for different reasons.

Maybe I am being vague.  I don't like to put up spoilers (a funny concept with classic films) and I wouldn't want to influence too greatly another's experience of a work of art.  Let me just say, there are some un-politically correct things that happen in The Quiet Man, yet I still enjoyed the film.  It doesn't mean I want to go back and live in 1952 (or 1933 which is when the short story this movie is based on was published) or that I condone the behavior of some of the characters.  Honestly, there are aspects of the heroine's point of view that might still resonate with women today (and some decidedly not!).  The same goes for the hero.  While I might not agree with his every course of action, I can surely see his point of view in some cases, and even agree with him.  Also, it is interesting to ponder what was considered "romantic" back in 1952--passionate kisses are filmed much differently today than they were back then!

Oh, yes.  I am being quite vague.

The gist of this post is, if you like to watch classic films and have yet to see The Quiet Man, it is worth taking a look at.  Barry Fitzgerald's performance as Michaleen Oge Flynn is a highlight, and if you have the chance to watch the documentary on the making of the film (it was included on the DVD from Netflix), definitely do that, too.